you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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