i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
