i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
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I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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