talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
