Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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