I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
