At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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