you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
