fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
