Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
