I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
