she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
