So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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