I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
