I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
there is puke in my bra ... again
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
