Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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