Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
It's just like the Real World with babies
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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