My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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