Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
