i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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