It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
