if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
