Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
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I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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