Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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