they need to just BURY HIM!
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
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right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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