I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
