I feel like I'm in dance class right now
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
