Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
