Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
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Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
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Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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