I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
