Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Found the puke drawer
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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