Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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