guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
