I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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