I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
