you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
