if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You have to summon your inner elephant
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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