Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
