I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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