I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
