My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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