i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
