apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
