gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
