I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
