wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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