I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
