I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
They took my balls.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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