margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
