Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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