Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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