I am spending my child support on dildos
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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