Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
