I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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