party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
