dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
