My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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