That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
