The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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