So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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