i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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