Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
