I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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