dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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