You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
