i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
there was a trapeze. enough said
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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