mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
