I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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