Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
