Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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