I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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