How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
