So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Pants are for mortals
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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