I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
