I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
