i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
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please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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