goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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