as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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